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[ The Used to World | Rewind Please ]
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Paychecks are issued the 1st of the month [23 May 2006|06:42pm]
[ mood | Borderline Eloquent ]

Writing in a 3rd person tense is so foreign to me that sometimes I forget it even exists. I tend to write to myself, or to "you". You being whomever I so choose. Sometimes you is a specific you, sometimes it's everyone, and sometimes it's simply an empty pronoun there to take the fall for someone I can't begin to describe.

The ending of this year is turning out to be an incredibly important event in my life. I've never been one to equate new beginnings with set times, however it's the only thing that seems to be working at this pointe.

Truth be told, this past year from May to May has been nothing short of abominable, and I'm ready to read the last page of this chapter.

Banquet, well, it was banquet. I did multiple jetés down the dark cafeteria hall and sat in the same spot I did last year. I vow to do the same next year. I'll say you were a wonderful date, and there's just something about driving with the windows down after sunset. I like the way your head fits in the curvature of my waist in the oddly blue theatre hall. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

You. I'll call you back my flower, I promise I haven't forgotten. God, I love you more than my words and actions will allow at the moment.

It's time to change for the better, and I'm okay with that.

8 Became a Dissapearing ActBecame Dissapearing Acts | Turn Invisible...

"You look young" "Well, I'm discontented" [11 May 2006|07:14pm]
My car. My grandfather didn't get it out of the shop before he left.
Now, he's in Fredricksburg until Sunday, and my Aunt is in New york.

I was going to abuse my adult-less freedom to come see Touch... even though they said I couldn't.
And now...well now I can't.

Maybe it's for the best... I...I couldn't even handle seeing the cast in costumes at school.

Today was fulled to the brim with blurry vision, runny make up and coca-cola concoctions.

If it happens, then it was meant to happen I guess.
12 Became a Dissapearing ActBecame Dissapearing Acts | Turn Invisible...

JEEEEEEEbus [10 May 2006|06:44pm]
[ mood | Goddamn Peachy :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD ]

Well, let's see,
My dog just took a big poop on my floor.
Guess who's the only one home.

Edit: I also caught a pan on fire. I mean, real F-I-R-E. Then I had a caughing fit on the floor because my house was all smoked up. (I stopped, dropped and rolled only after I put that bitch out. Safety first you know)

I just thought I'd keep you all updated on my life :]

10 Became a Dissapearing ActBecame Dissapearing Acts | Turn Invisible...

Still being 16 and shit [27 Apr 2006|08:15pm]
[ mood | Wiped out mostly ]

Dear Abigail,
I hate you because you are a stupid whore. I Curse Arthur Miller for writing you into existence. Have a very lovely day.
Love, Dedra
p.s. A very nice guy gave me a very nice gift today. And I really like Melon flavoured Propel.

And the rest is history and stuff.

9 Became a Dissapearing ActBecame Dissapearing Acts | Turn Invisible...

The time/date above is from our server [26 Apr 2006|04:34am]
[ mood | Quiet ]

CutCollapse )

12 Became a Dissapearing ActBecame Dissapearing Acts | Turn Invisible...

[04 Apr 2006|07:00pm]
I had one of those adult moments.

Like, the kind when you realize you're "off work", and the whole world is open to you,

So you may do as you please.

After rehearsal, my job, I met up with Aaron at Barton Springs. Not for any particular reason, simply because we wanted to swim.

I changed in my back seat, and didn't care who was around.
[No one was, maybe that's why I did it in the first place]

I had one of those adult moments.
Turn Invisible...

You're grounded. It's my fault. [28 Mar 2006|09:54pm]
[ mood | Cold and Wet ]

I leave a path of destruction in my wake.

Indirectly I end up screwing over the most innocent of people by default. I've obtained one of my fathers rather distasteful traits by accident, and I seem to make most things into entirely avoidable messes constantly.

The more I think about it, the more it bothers me that Robert Wolter sincerely told me I was beautiful. He doesn't even know me.

In Melendy's audition, there were real tears behind my eyes. I once was that 13 year old girl.

In the long run, none of this even matters.

This is why I don't do this anymore. Type it all out. It's just a shit load of angsty teenage crap anyway.

Missing film club [04 Mar 2006|08:44pm]
[ mood | accepting maybe ]

Taco bell with Caufield and Bryan. Then we went back to C's house and wrote music. Even though I know nothing formal about it, Bryan was incredibly patient with me.

Ryan finally showed up, and he is the densest thing I've ever met in my entire life. I believe he only likes to play drums because he gets to hit things real hard. However, he's indirectly very funny and remembered my name when he left. I guess he'll work out just fine.

They'll never understand the role they've been playing in my life. These kids have sort of become a reason to be okay, maybe. I don't have to think about being some sort of image around them. I can simply be myself with out any strings attached.

Inspite of things, there's not enough Blush Therapy in my life and it saddens me. The english language got in the way of good plans.

I don't think I can do most things anymore. I'm overloaded with trying to balance people my age and I'm just no good at it.

Patti Smith is cool too [28 Feb 2006|08:42pm]
[ mood | Morrissey understands me ]

Laine invited me to his party, yet I spent saturday night alone painting my kitchen. I was my own creative director.

I made a conscious decision to abandon the people I see on a day to day basis by not attending this party
and I don't feel as if I missed anything at all.

This morning, some guys were talking about dodgeball and Halo.
I turned my music loud enough to drown them out.
I couldn't even tell what the music was anymore.
But I couldn't hear the boys talking.
And that's all that mattered. mattered.

At lunch, I walked away from everyone sitting in the sun outside of the theatre hall with only my cd player and strawberry poptarts.
And I walked.
Around the entire perimeter of the school building. Around B hall, and the F hall no one really has classes in. Around the art wing, and the cafeteria, and down by the baseball place.
I thought about how it was the most sun I've had and how nice parts of the school are without children.
It didn't take nearly as long as I'd hoped.

I essentially keep expressing the same feelings. I wonder when I'll stop typing about it. There has to be more than this.

Turn Invisible...

Ambition makes you look pretty ugly [21 Feb 2006|06:58pm]
[ mood | like a Paranoid Android ]

Yesterday I spent two hours at Caufiled's house after school. First we were doing the acoustic band bit because neither Ryan or Bryan were there, but then I started feeling unwell, thinking of how much more highschool I still have to endure.

We stopped playing so I wouldn't cry, then went downstairs. I curled into a ball under a blanket on his couch, and he put in a Radiohead Live dvd. With my "santa" beanie over my eyes, I idly listened while he spoke of mistakes in the music they were playing. Then we got into an argument over the creepiest member of the band, (I say the bassist by far) which then progressed into making jokes about how Thom should just breathe into the microphone. His mother asked if I wanted to stay for dinner, and I apologetically left.

[New unrelated thoughts]
I'd like 10 years to go by so I can be amused by how stupid people this age are instead of being one of them.

I want to look into my future so I can cheat and see if I ever find a man to marry. If I marry, I can only imagine all of the intricacies he will have.

I am so inaccessible it's not even funny.
Completely and utterly inaccessible.

22 Became a Dissapearing ActBecame Dissapearing Acts | Turn Invisible...

Surprise? Never. [11 Feb 2006|11:56pm]
[ mood | Appreciative ]

My own life parallels my own life, only in different places, with different people. Same situations.

This same saturday night, one year earlier:
I was stand next to people I hardly know while I watch a boy on stage I care for. I cry when I see him perform and feel packed with butterflies because he knows who I am. People smile at me when the performance is over because they know how I feel.

This same saturday night, one year later:
I sit next to a woman I hardly know while I watch a boy on stage I care for. I cry when I see him perform and feel packed with butterflies because he knows who I am(even if it's only by sight). People smile at me when the performance is over because they know how I feel.

The only difference this time around is my feelings make much more sense for a 16 year old girl. This time I have a girly crush on an utterly amazing guy. hahahha...I've felt this way since New years.

There's still hope for the male race because he's not educated just to be educated.

He's got a cause.
And super hair.

4 Became a Dissapearing ActBecame Dissapearing Acts | Turn Invisible...

KRIS WALKER [07 Feb 2006|10:11pm]
[ mood | momentarily amused ]

After school today, I walked up to kris walker and kissed his shoulder

I said
"If you were shorter, I would have kissed your lips!"
He made a very dissapointed face
As I walked away
He yelled
"What if I were taller?!"


13 Became a Dissapearing ActBecame Dissapearing Acts | Turn Invisible...

Priority Mail [03 Feb 2006|12:05am]
[ mood | Up ]

Today has been one of the nicest days I've had in a long time.
I owe someone something.

"Up" comes in an orange ray of light
In little circles that would stick to my eyelashes
If I looked too close
The laughs and jumps I own
Could fit in my palm
And inside a breath, they collapse into air
Only a lens
could capture this

Eid al-Adha [23 Jan 2006|09:22pm]
[ mood | Bummed :[ ]

I'm never going to come back home. I think it's time that I should leave. This is my favorite blink 182 song.

Sometimes the world makes me go no where.

People make me cry and say shit alot. It's like this:

Example. You take the time to bring someone you care about icecream because they were in your thoughts. But you get to their house, give it to them and they say "Why'd you bring me this? I don't even like chocolate!"

They instantly complain because you "got it wrong". They don't take the time to consider the fact you went out of your way because you care and were trying to be nice. It makes you feel like a failure even though you weren't trying to win anything

Shit like that really kind of bums a person out
and different scenarios yield the same sad results in me
Edit: the ice cream thing didn't actually happen. It's just an anecdote

Titleless [22 Jan 2006|08:47pm]
[ mood | Bored ]

This weekend was worth noting I guess.
Yesterday I received a hair cut that I of course, didn't like. Females never enjoy their haircuts. Whatever, hair grows back.

Later I hung out with Caufield and went to Taco Bell, Randalls, Seatles Best ect. We bought Jordan a donut and a frappachino because he was under house arrest. Then we stopped by and busted him out. We proceeded to watch this film till midnight.
Image hosting by Photobucket
(It has Gene Wilder and if you can name it, you're damn cool.)
Driving home in the rain was less than fun.

Today I worked for 7 hours researching and proof reading a grant for a LGBT Center in the Bronx. If this gets funded, the center gets $250,000 for improvements and I can smile because I helped to make that happen. Payday will be sweet once it rolls around.

Right, well, last week we had a photography project, and Trevor Olson took these three shots. I'm on a vent blowing air in the first two. How bitchin'.
Image hosting by Photobucket

+ 3 Sex Pot PhotosCollapse )

43 Became a Dissapearing ActBecame Dissapearing Acts | Turn Invisible...

Son, you've got your stereo on [15 Jan 2006|09:40pm]
[ mood | happy, wiped out ]

We kicked ass the first song, and advanced to the 2nd round. The last song was off, and super fun. It was way too bad that asshole guys in skirts won, but only because they have richer friends. Bull shit.

Miles, Aaron and Jeremy came, and the band got free shirts with our names on them.

2 Became a Dissapearing ActBecame Dissapearing Acts | Turn Invisible...

The end will come slow [12 Jan 2006|09:31pm]
[ mood | Almost Thoughtful ]

Here's some short insight to one of my rather distasteful personality traits.

Edit: I'm like a bad casserole.

I try to fix this, but it never really works

3x [11 Jan 2006|09:30pm]
[ mood | Sleepy or something like it ]

Today happened and the world's still working

The Bright Side [07 Jan 2006|09:37pm]
[ mood | Fuzzy, Bored, Hopeful ]

Today was spent playing music with Caufield and Bryan. Eventually Jordan came over and we all decided to order chinese. This resulted in Bryan calling Beijing Wok with Caufield's new loop pedal thing playing into the phone and the lady hanging up.

The second time he called with an asian accent, and she gave the phone to the manager who actually was Asian. So... then we all just split and went to Jack in the Box.

I laughed at nothing and loved it.

And is it getting better now?
And is it getting better now?

8 Became a Dissapearing ActBecame Dissapearing Acts | Turn Invisible...

To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time [05 Jan 2006|10:17pm]
[ mood | Interested ]

I am not a fan of sports per se,
I am a fan of sports fans.

Although I do not generally partake, I still find team spirit to be a wonderful phenomenon. To see so many people united under something so minuscule as a sport, it never fails to make me marvel at the simplicity of it all. I wonder what would happen if people used sports energy and consolidated for a different cause. It gives me strange hope for mankind

I smile on the inside for those who hug without a negative thought in their head

1 Became a Dissapearing ActBecame Dissapearing Acts | Turn Invisible...

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